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How We Got Where We're Going



Disclaimer: All things QAF belong to CowLip.  I take liberties but they own them, I don’t.
Characters:  All Queer As Folk characters
Pairing:  Brian and Justin
Warning: Entire Thing will be  NC-17.  Spoilers for like all Five Seasons.

I - We Start Here

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” 
~ Carl W. Buechner ~

May 22, 2019, 7:26am

Brian’s POV

The sun filters through my closed eyes.  I’m not ready to wake up.  I’m not ready to face this day.  I roll over into something warm, something soft…Justin.  I reach for him and pull him closer.  He makes a soft noise in the back of his throat as I bury my face between his shoulder blades.  His skin is so soft I can never get enough.  I run my hand up his thigh over his hip before flatting my hand and splaying my fingers across his stomach.  He’s still half way asleep but that’s okay because so am I.  He pushes back into me slightly letting me know what he wants without ever saying a word.  I slide my hand down his stomach down, down, so slowly.  He moans in anticipation, in want.  I lightly run my fingers over his cock and smile against his back as he struggles for more contact.  Always more.  Never enough.  I kiss his back my tongue flicking across his smooth pale skin.  So good.  So sweet.  So Justin.  He grabs my hand and wraps my fingers around his hard cock.

I kiss my way to his neck, to that spot just behind his ear and whisper, “You’re being very impatient this morning.”

He moans again and I open my eyes to see that his are still closed.  I let him guide my hand up and down his cock.  He’s so wet, so hard, so ready.  I kiss his neck nipping and sucking in just the right spot.  The spot I know that drives him crazy with want and need.  “Brian.”  He moans my name and it makes my cock harder then it was three seconds ago.

I remove my hand from his cock, he whimpers at the loss, begging me with that little sigh to put my hand back.   “Roll over.”  He complies, always eager.  He wants it as much as I do.  I straddle his thighs, running my hands all over that silky pale flesh and I can’t stop the thoughts of mine, this, him, everything is mine, belongs to me, no one else.  Mine.   I kiss every inch of skin my fingers touch.  There is nothing like the taste of him.  Nothing.  I pull back my hands still roaming over his skin because they can get enough, can’t nearly get enough, never, ever enough.  God, he’s so fucking beautiful.  I wonder if he knows how fucking beautiful he is.  The sun is touching his skin too making it glow.  Bright, beautiful, sunshine.

He pushes his hips up from the bed.  He has no patience for this.  I return my lips to his back kissing and sliding down where he wants me and right now I am almost inclined to do exactly what he wants.  I flick my tongue at the top of his ass, swirling it around the edge of his crack.  Teasing.  “Brian.”  He moans, purrs, begs in those two syllables of my name.

I spread his cheeks with my hands sucking and licking my way down his crack until I'm there right there where he wants me to be.  Where I want to be.  I kiss his tight little hole and he moans, longer, louder.  He loves this.  I love this.  I swipe my tongue over it.  Wetting it.  Tasting it.  Tasting him.  I pull my mouth away and blow a warm breath and watch as it clinches before I place my mouth over it.  My tongue circles around it before finally, finally I push it into him.  So warm.  So tight.  So mine.  He tries to push back, push up, but I move my hands to hold his hips.  Stay.  No words but he hears me.  He groans, moans.  There is nothing like the sounds he makes when I am doing this.  It makes my dick rock hard and dripping.  I could get off on the sounds he makes without even touching myself.

I fuck him with slow steady strokes of my tongue.  He wants to come just like this and for a second I want him to.  I pull my tongue out kissing his hole again that is so wet and so ready for me that lube would seem redundant.  I slide my hands up his body, moving with them, until I am over him, covering him, but denying us both of the feel of my body pressing down on his.  I kiss his neck, my hands now fully entangled in the softness of his hair.  I can’t take much more of this.  It’s overwhelming.  His body is overpowering.  I press the head of my cock against his hole.  He makes a move to bring me in but I pull back and press my body down on his.  Letting him know how it’s going to go, how it’s going to be, whose running the show. 

He moans as I cover his body with mine.  My hands slide down his arms pushing them out so they are spread on the bed until I push my fingers between his.  He grips my hands our platinum bands slide against each other pressing into our fingers.  He wants it.  Wants me.  Wants this.  I want it too.  I push into him slowly.  Letting him open up to me, making room for me in his warm tight little ass.  I groan because I still feel overwhelmed by the feel of his body surrounding mine with nothing between us.  It takes everything I have not to sink into him fast and hard.  Everything.  I inch my way in so slowly it might be killing me, killing him until I am in all the way.  I hold still.  He’s trembling beneath me, around me, because he is so full, so full of me.  I kiss his neck in that spot his loves.  Wanting to stay right here just like this.  Wanting to forget everything but this moment and him.  My hips have other ideas and they start to move.  I move in and out of him in long smooth strokes.  Our bodies pressing together.  Slick with sweat allowing our bodies to slide together without friction. 

My lips attach themselves to his pulse point.  His moans vibrating my lips held against his throat.  Our hands gripping each other like if we were to let go we would float away.  His breathing quickens as does mine.  We are so close.  We are right there.  I angle myself so that each slow entry passes his prostate.  He moans and pushes his face into his pillow.  He comes right there just like that and as he clinches around me I push deep into him and come harder than I have in that last few weeks.  We lay there for a few minutes pressed together, my now softening cock in his tight ass.  I know we could fall back asleep just like this and we do.


May 22, 2019, 12:16pm

Justin’s POV

I wake up feeling empty and cold.  The fullness and warmth of the morning missing.  I push my face off the pillow and open my eyes.  He isn’t here.  I roll over feeling my dried come on my stomach as I stretch.  I push myself back down on the bed and close my eyes.  I feel him standing over me.  Opening my eyes I look up at him and see a soft smile spread across his face.  God, he’s so beautiful when he smiles.  He reaches for my hands and pulls me up against his naked body. 

“Good…”  He looks over at the clock.  “Afternoon.”

I laugh against his chest.  “It was a pretty good morning too.”  This morning was fucking amazing.  “It was amazing.”  I say.

He kisses my neck and pulls me to follow him into the bathroom.  Standing under the hot water he washes my hair massaging my scalp.  I close my eyes and moan.  “That feel good?”

“Yeah.”  I am almost passed coherent thought when he touches me like this. 

He guides me under the spray rinsing the shampoo out of my hair.  He runs his hands all over me like he can’t stop touching me and I don’t want him to stop.  Not ever.  He runs the bar of soap over my chest before guiding me back under the spray to wash the suds from my body.  I run my hands up his hard muscular arms, over his shoulders, and rest them on the sides of his neck.  I pull him down pressing our lips together.  I push my tongue over his lips sweeping it over his teeth, pushing it in lapping at the roof of his mouth. 

He moves his lips across my cheek and when his lips are pressed to my ear he whispers, “What time’s the flight again?”  His hot breath gives me chills even though the water is near scalding.

His hands slide down my sides coming to rest on my hips.  I can barely concentrate.  “What?”  I mumble because he is kissing my neck, right there in that spot that he fucking knows drives me insane. 

He laughs and pulls back cupping my face with his hand.  “The flight?  Was it four or five?”

I grin.  “You are getting old.”

He playfully slaps my ass.  “I am not getting old.”

I chuckle.  “You’re way off Brian.  The flight’s at seven-thirty.”

He doesn’t say anything else and neither do I because all I want to do is kiss him.  It’s like we’re fucking teenagers or something making out in the shower until the water starts to run cold forcing us out.  He dries my hair with his towel.  It’s one of those little things he’s always done that I pretend annoys me and makes me feel like a kid but secretly I love it.  He knows it.  I know it but we don’t argue about it anymore. 

He moves to the sink looking in the mirror while I finish drying off.  “You want to go get something to eat?”

I hang the towel back on the rack by the shower and stand beside him at the sink.  “Sure.”

“We could go to Pete’s.”

I run my hand along his shoulder as I pass him to leave the bathroom.  “We could but that’s kinda out of the way, isn’t it?”  I hear him opening his anti-aging cream, and really the man may be forty-eight but I swear to god he doesn’t look it.  I pause, maybe that shit works after all.  I enter the walk-in closet and flip on the light.  “What are you wearing?”  I call out.

He comes up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him.  “You.”

I laugh and cover his arms with mine.  “Brian.”  I accidentally on purpose moan his name because his cock is hard and pressed against my ass.  If he is getting older his dick hasn’t gotten the memo and probably never will.   “Clothes.”  I try again.

He kisses my neck and pulls me closer.  “No.”  Taking one of my hands in his we untangle and he pulls me back to the bed.  We have time, plenty of time.

I am on my back looking up at him our hands clasp together pressing to the mattress, it just this thing we’ve done since we made it official, we hold hands while we fuck.  We don’t talk about it.  We don’t put any meaning into it.  It’s just something we…do.  I reach up with my free hand and caress his face.  Kissing my palm he begins to move faster.  I gasp as the head of his cock rubs over my prostate.  Smiling he leans down to kiss me.  Harder and faster, his cock in my ass, his tongue in my mouth, our hands griping each other tighter and tighter until I arch my back coming and I know as soon as my ass clinches around him he’ll come too.  We are almost always in sync.  Brian lets out a deep breath and lays half on me and half on the mattress.  I bring our joined hands up to my mouth and I kiss the ring on his finger.  We could lay here, fall asleep again, but we really can’t this time because we really do have shit to do today.

Nudging his shoulder with my nose I say.  “We gotta get up.”

“It is inevitable.”  He murmurs against my neck.  I bite his shoulder.  “Fuck, okay, okay.”  He pushes himself up enough to look at me.  I smile, he smirks.  “Fucker.” 

“Come on, we need another shower.”  He rolls his eyes.  “Do you want to go to out smelling like sex?”

He smirks.  “Never stopped me before.”  He leans in closer running his tongue along my bottom lip.

I chuckle.  “Oh yeah.”

He kisses me again and pulls out and away.  I moan.  “Come on Sunshine.”  He gets out of the bed, pulling me with him, our hands still clasped.  “Shower, dress, eat, and then…”  He groans.

“Then we fly to Toronto to see Gus graduate.”

“That makes me feel so-” I start to laugh as he drags me back into the bathroom.  “Don’t even fucking say it.”

I kiss his shoulder.  “Wouldn’t even dream of it…old man.”


May 22, 2019, 10:07pm

Gus’ POV

Okay, so like in three days I’m gonna graduate high school.  Holy fuck!  Everyone and their brother is flying in just to see me walk across the stage for like one minute.  I told my Moms not to invite everyone.  It wasn’t a big deal…except that it is.  I’ve been through some shit so yeah I guess to my family, which is like bigger than anyone’s I know, it’s a big fucking deal.  Christ even Dad and Justin are going to be here.  I think they just came back from Fiji or Europe or some fucking place just to see me graduate.  Oh god maybe I’ll throw up. 

I pace around my bedroom biting my thumbnail.  Dad and Justin are gonna be here before everyone else.  They said they were coming early because they had to tell me something.  Christ, I hope they aren’t like…breaking up or some shit.  Can you break up if you technically aren’t together?  Well, I’m gonna try not to be pessimistic about it, even though I am a pessimist so it’s hard to try to spin it any other way.  I mean…what can it be that they can’t tell everyone at the same time? 

I hear a knock at my door but I ignore it.  I don’t want to talk to anyone because I think I might be freaking out about Dad and Justin.  Nineteen years in September.  That’s how long they’ve sorta kinda been together.  They can’t be calling it quits after almost nineteen years…can they?  Fuck my mom is walking in and all I can think is thank god I have pants on.  She sits on the edge of my bed and watches me pace.  I wish I had a fucking cigarette but my Moms don’t even know I smoke.  Dad does…he doesn’t even care.  It’s really that whole hypocritical thing.  Besides I’m eighteen I can do what I want…right?

I glance over at her.  She had her blond hair pulled back from her face.  She looks kinda tired but she worked late at the gallery last night so I guess that’s why.  She watching me and waiting.  I hate when she does that.  Ma would just grab me by the shoulders, stop my pacing, and ask me what the fuck is wrong.  Not Mom, that’s not how she does shit.  I look toward the door, she fucking closed it which means she won’t leave until I talk.  Fuck, doesn’t like someone have to get JR ready for school tomorrow or pack her lunch or I don’t know help her dye her hair whatthefuckever color she’s gonna dye it this week?  My sister is a freak.  I huff.  Like I have any room to talk but whatever I’m not talking about me.

“What do you think they want?”  Fuck!  See what I mean?  She waits, I get sick of it, and I talk.  I hate that she can do that.

“What did your Dad say?”

I turn to face her and throwing my hands into the air.  “Just that they needed to talk to me.”  I lower my hands and twist them together. 

She gets up, grabs my hands, and pulls them apart.  “Honey, you have to calm down.”

I pull away from her.  “Calm down?  Calm down?”  Okay I’m yelling but fuck, calm down?  Why is everyone always telling me to calm down?

She reaches for me again and pulls me toward the bed.  I am such a baby because I need her to do this.  I need to be held.  I feel like a fucking five year old and if I didn’t need her to do it I’d pull away from her.  “What did your Dad say Gus?”

I wrap my arms around her because I don’t know, she my Mom or whatever.  “Just that he and Justin need to talk to me alone and that…I don’t know something about they wanted to tell me something.”

She strokes my hair and I’m just going to pretend I don’t love that even though you know I really do.  I can feel my heart rate slowing down.  Maybe that’s why she’s holding me so she can tell when it does.  Fucking Mothers think they know everything.  “Maybe.”  She says really slowly.  “They got you that new car you’ve been wanting.”

I pull back from her and look her right in the eye.  “Mom that’s totally stupid.  Why would they bring a car here when I’m gonna be there in like, I don’t know a few weeks?”  I move out of her arms and stand up.  “Besides they’re flying in and…and…”  I run my hand through my hair.  “And I won’t even need a car in New York.”

Okay I see her frown not because of the whole ‘getting me a car’ bullshit but because I said New York.  My Moms totally flipped when I told them that.  I mean, it’s been like my plan since I was fifteen.  I wanted to live with Dad and go to school in New York.  They’ve know about this since fucking forever and every time I mention it…well it’s like they never heard me say it before.  So, what?  They’re worried.  I get it, fine, but that…forget it.  I’m not talking about it.  I already told them and Dad I was going to New York.  You have no idea what kinda shit I had to put up with to make it actually happen. 

I am my Father’s son though and pretty much in the end told everyone this was what I was doing like it or not and fuck off.  I have issues…but enough about me.


I hold up my hand and grab a shirt from my closet.  “I gotta get going Mom.  They’re probably here already or I don’t know.”  I put on my shirt.  “Did Dad call?”

She gets up and grabs my hands again.  I swear I want to pull away, I swear that I do, but I don’t because my Mom makes me feel like I’m five and you know five wasn’t a bad year.  “Gus, listen to me okay?  It’s not bad.”

I yank my hands from her and go in search of my shoes.  “You don’t know.”  I push my feet into my sneakers.  “How do you know?”

“If it was bad…well they wouldn’t be coming together.”

God I hate that.  Some people are just like too reasonable for their own good.  She has a point and I fucking hate that too.  “That doesn’t really mean anything.  They could just be like, putting on a front or something.”

I reach for my wallet, my cell phone, my keys, and look around to see what else I need.  She comes up to me again and pulls me to her.  Fucking five years old I swear.  “Your Father doesn’t lie.”

Oh…yeah…right.  Sometimes I forget that.  My phone rings and I pull away from her again.  Five year old fade out eighteen year old fade in. I am about to answer it when my Mom takes it out of my hand.  “Hey!”

She smiles and I glare.  It’s my fucking phone.  She ignores me.  “Brian.”  Great now I can’t even talk to him I have to like listen to a one sided conversation.  “You’re here…Don’t be an ass…yes.”  She looks over at me.  “Yes.”  What the fuck?

“Mom, seriously give me my phone.”

She sighs.  “Your son would like a word.”  Argghh so fucking proper.

I yank it out of her hand and press it to my ear in time to hear my Dad say, “Well that is why I called him.”

“Dad?”  Okay so my voice sounds all panicky or something.  I gotta control that better.  “Are you here?”

I hear him light a cigarette.  “Yes, we’re here.”

“Okay good I’ll be there in like,”  I look at my watch.  “Fifteen minutes.”



“Be careful.”  I seriously want to roll my eyes.  Okay so I do roll my eyes it’s not like he can fucking see me.  “Don’t roll your eyes.  We’ll see you when you get here.”

I hate when he does that.  I hang up the phone and look over at my Mom.  “I gotta go.”

“Gus please just-”

I’m basically out the door so I yell over my shoulder.  “I know, be careful!”

Jesus fucking Christ!  That guy ran into me not the other way around.  Besides that was like…two years ago or whatever.  Fuck, I’m so not getting into it but I am getting into my car.  Yeah, I’m the cool kid at school because Dad bought me a 2017 Toyota Atora.  Hey, I know, it’s a bad ass car but it wasn’t as cool as my 2016 BMW 751.  I wonder if Dad is still paying for that…fuck NOT, so NOT thinking about it.

Right in the car, deep breaths and all that shit.  I put it in gear and back out of the driveway.  The sooner I get there the sooner this can be over and done with and then I can graduate and move to New York and…

Oh fuck, if they are breaking up am I still going to be able to live with Dad in New York?  Okay Gus, get a grip…just get there and you know, handle whateverthe fuck it is.

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