Notes: Post S4, rated NC-17. Thanks once again to Walt Whitman for the title and poem excerpt.
One million individually wrapped thanks to burnitbackwards for many wonderful suggestions, a super speedy yet excellent beta, listening to me whine and babble about Brian, and convincing me that I could do this. :X:X:X:X
We two boys together clinging,
One the other never leaving…
We Two Boys Together Clinging
Brian came home late one night a few weeks after Justin had returned from California. He had stayed at the office until past midnight, finishing up the final details on his latest account. Justin was asleep in bed, curled on his side breathing softly. Brian peeled off his clothes and crawled in beside him, pulling Justin’s back tightly against his chest. He relaxed for a few minutes, marveling at the way a familiar warm body pressed against his own could feel so good; Justin hadn’t been back long enough for him to be used to that again.
He hadn’t been worried about losing Justin when he went to California. They had been apart before, but this was the first time they were apart not because of violence or jealousy or rage, but because of rational, logical reasons – the first time they were apart like adults.
Brian never even considered that they wouldn’t find their way back together. After the bashing, he’d been surprised to discover how much the thought of losing Justin hurt; after the fiddler, he’d realized that together was better than apart; and after the cancer, he’d resigned himself to the fact that a life with Justin was the life he wanted. He hadn’t expected this, and sometimes he had fought it kicking and screaming, but here was where he ended up nonetheless.
Justin had gone to California and stayed almost a year. Brian had encouraged him to go – he wanted him to go. Life was shitty enough that you didn’t turn your back on the opportunity of a lifetime, and so he’d packed him up, told him to be brilliant, and sent him off with a kiss and no promises.
In the beginning, things were okay; Brian even managed to convince himself that this was good. Justin had always softened his edge just a little bit, and with him gone, Brian was more brutal and ruthless. As a result, Kinnetik was doing extremely well, and Brian devoted most of his time to work; he felt reenergized and dedicated in a way he hadn’t since before the cancer.
But the edge also made him angry and moody, and he found himself picking fights with Michael, snapping at Lindsay, turning down dinner invitations at Debbie’s. Brian quickly realized that despite the fact that Justin had left on good terms, he hated his being gone.
There was never a shortage of guys to suck his cock or offer an ass to fuck, but he returned alone every night to a quiet loft, just as clean as when he left it. He had been ready to share his home with Justin, and he felt his absence acutely. Everything just seemed a little dimmer around the edges without him.
There were lots of phone calls. Sometimes Justin called him to gush about the stars he had seen, or his work on the film, and sometimes he called because he was feeling scared and lonely and far from home. There calls where Brian whispered dirty in his ear, each of them jerking off furiously, and calls where Justin listened to Brian talk about work or Gus or Babylon.
Brian complained a lot about the lack of good sex he was getting.
“You’re like the biggest stud on Liberty Avenue. I’m sure you have the pick of the bunch,” Justin teased.
“Well obviously, but no one here seems to worship my cock the way you do.”
Justin just laughed and said, “I miss you too, Brian.”
Fuck if he didn’t see through him every time.
Things had changed a lot since the beginning. Some of the words he never thought he would say got easier every day – I miss you, I’m sorry, I care – but there were times when they just wouldn’t come out, and Justin always knew what he was trying to say and didn’t give him shit for not being able to say it.
One night while Justin was gone, Brian returned to the loft after a lousy blowjob and an even lousier fuck, just sober enough to be angry. He was tired of having to snap instructions to the tricks sucking his cock, and he was tired of guys coming all over the place before he was done fucking them. As he lay in bed, head spinning, on the verge of passing out, he tried to remember what had been different before Justin. There was a time not so long ago when he had sex with strangers nearly every night and it had been enough. Why wasn’t it enough now? But he was asleep before he could figure it out.
When Justin came back, it was like the lights went back on. Everyone but Brian seemed surprised; they all thought he would fall in love with the Hollywood glitz and glamour.
Justin smiled and told them that he would rather be a big fish in a little pond like Pittsburgh than get lost in the crowd in LA. But he said it with a twinkle in his eye and a glance at Brian.
Brian had just sighed and shook his head because despite his best efforts, Justin stubbornly refused to believe him when Brian told him not to count on anyone but himself. But now when he buried his face in Justin’s hair and pulled him in just a little closer, he decided maybe he was glad that Justin wouldn’t listen.
Brian rolled Justin gently onto his back. He ran a hand down his pale smooth chest, noticing that his cock was soft. Brian usually only saw it that way in the bathroom or while Justin was getting dressed, and now he thought it made him look young and vulnerable. When he cupped it in his hand and squeezed gently, Justin shifted his head on the pillow and let out a small sigh.
Brian continued to rub, and he felt Justin start to lengthen in his hand. He inched down the bed until his face was just above Justin’s cock and nuzzled his balls, feeling soft hairs tickling his nose, smelling the scent he had missed but not forgotten.
He sucked Justin’s cock and felt him quickly grow harder. As Brian’s tongue slid around the ridge on his soft head, Justin started to squirm a little beneath him. When he reached down, tickled Justin’s balls and sucked him fully hard, Justin’s body stiffened just for a moment, and then he felt hands twisting in his hair and heard the whisper from above, “Brian…”
Brian lifted his head to look up at Justin’s face. His eyes were heavy with sleep, but there was a smile on his lips.
“Hey,” he smiled back, while giving Justin’s dick a hard jerk.
Justin’s sleepy eyes fluttered and his head fell back on the pillow as he moaned softly.
Brian looked back down at Justin’s cock and jerked it a few more times until he saw a glistening drop appear at his slit. He leaned his head in to lick it off and noticed that Justin tasted sweet and familiar.
Brian had developed a technique for the world’s best generic blowjob – it was designed to give a typical guy the maximum amount of pleasure in the least amount if time. But Brian didn’t give generic blowjobs anymore; now the only kind he gave were Justin blowjobs because he didn’t suck anybody else’s dick ever.
As he swallowed Justin’s smooth cock and ran his fingers though the soft hair surrounding it, he decided that if he was only going to suck one dick, he was glad it was this one.
Brian swirled his tongue around Justin’s shaft and felt him thrust his hips up against his face, his cock hitting the back of his throat. Justin was fully awake now, and as he clutched at Brian’s hair, arched his back and whispered his name over and over, Brian had to close his eyes. When Brian ran his arm up his body to stick his fingers in Justin’s mouth, Justin moaned around them with anticipation. He knew that Justin was close based on the way he whimpered and strained up against him, and so Brian slid two spit slicked fingers inside him while simultaneously pulling gently on his balls and suctioning his mouth around Justin’s dick. Justin groaned and thrust up against him sharply, coming deep in Brian’s throat.
Brian swallowed, savoring the taste of Justin on his tongue. He released his spent cock from his mouth and crawled slowly up the length of his body to kiss him deeply on the lips.
“Mmmmm…” Justin sighed, “that was so nice.”
Brian only nodded, pulling him in close as he stretched out beside him. Justin let Brian hold him for a moment before he started to slide his way down his body, but Brian held him tight.
Justin looked at him questioningly, and Brian held his gaze for a few seconds before leaning in to kiss him softly. Justin smiled and propped himself up on his elbow beside Brian.
“I missed you a lot when I was in California. I missed this.” Brian struggled to stay awake as Justin traced gentle patterns on his chest with his hand.
“There weren’t enough Hollywood boys to suck your cock?” The words came out softer than he had intended, but he was tired and Justin’s touch was lulling him to sleep.
Justin swatted him on the chest and laughed, but he fell silent when Brian grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips. “I missed you too.” The words were no more than a whisper, but Brian saw the way Justin’s face lit up in response.
Brian was sleepy and Justin was soft and warm beside him, gazing at him with blue eyes full of all the things Brian tried to ignore, so he wrapped both arms around Justin and pulled him tight to his chest and they lay together, quiet in the darkness.